You've got mail

I'm sitting in my room at home watching You've Got Mail. It is by far one of my favorite movies. Sure some might think it's lame but I love it. Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox pour out their inner most thoughts without actually giving any specifics. Favorite quotes;
"Kathleen: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. "
"JOE: Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. Hello, it's Mr. Nasty."
So in the past 3 days I have been threatened with a restraining order because of a facebook video blog I had nothing to do with except for the fact that my name was included. I've gone to great parties, worked and went out with this guy I met. Stupid roommates are making my life a living hell and it just got worse if that was even possible. I want to get on a plane and go to California to hide and visit my brother's friend. Quite frankly it would be so easy to just pick up and leave. I wonder if I always keep myself detached so I can get away.
This summer I could not wait to move back to school. I worked so much and was so blind to the fact that it is truly my refuge. Its the only place I can let my guard down and relax.
Today I slept all day. This situation truly drains me or I'm completely depressed. I'm most likely the second.
Decisions. It's not like I don't make them every single day, but these decisions are hard. Especially when I don't even know my exact options. My mother said I need to move out this week. Whether or not this gets ugly is up to them. I want out of the lease, but in a way I just want to stay until the end of the semester and just be miserable for money sake.
Safety. What is that? Safety is the state of being safe; freedom from the occurrence or risk of injury, danger, or loss. Are we ever really safe? No. Sure we do things to prevent injury, danger and loss, but is it worth locking someone out of their apartment? I think not. If I was a robber I would go through a window not through a dead bolted door. ugh
I slept until 3 today after an eventful evening of working until 4, going to a friends house after, driving home around 5, getting ready and finally going to bed at 7am. I need sleep in large quantities but who knows when I will actually get it. So after being awake for a couple hours, eating and bumming around I went back to bed. I slept again until 9, woke up and went to get food. During my ride I smoked and talked to my friends via text. R. was in town and was with my other friend J. going to the bars. So I met up with them to eat at Friday's. If not for them I would have not gotten ready or done anything today. So thanks you guys.
Compliments, doesn't everyone like to get them? I have received so many compliments this week and I think I take them for granted. I say thank you and go about my business, but I don't think I really absorb them. Maybe I have low self esteem, because I never think they actually mean it? Ya know what I mean? ha ha sounds ridiculous
I miss my dog when I'm at school. Right now she is laying right next to me in my bed. She is by no means small, Katy is a black standard poodle. My mother saved her from being put to sleep when she was 2. Katy was a crazy wild thing when we first got her. She was to big to be a show poodle and hard to control. I think all she needed was little freedom. At the time we had a retired show poodle James and he took the roll as her father. Basically calmed her down and now she is a well behaved loving poodle. Right now we have two cats Tim and Bruce, Tim is now laying on my bed as well. When my mom wakes up and walks past my room she always makes fun of the way I sleep. Katy lays beside me, there is always a cat at the end of my bed and I lay against the wall. It's so comfortable to sleep with them, another human being is another story.
I enjoy terms of endearment. Hunny, kiddo, love, etc. It's so much more personal then just saying Hey Abra.
I want to do so much tomorrow, I have soooo much to do tomorrow and I'm going back to the theater tomorrow night. School and work are becoming a hassle in my life. School has always been but never work. I love my work.
Being tucked in is the greatest thing. I was tucked in the other night when I was intoxicated staying at a friends house. It's like saying " I want you to sleep well let me make you comfortable, I care a lot about you."
I have a mosquito bite on my foot. It is the most annoying thing right this second. Who gets them there besides me.
I can't wait to live by myself. Well away from home at least. My surroundings would be my own.
I'm not a very emotional person. I may even try not to be emotional about things, but this week I just let loose. I have never cried so much in my life. Everything was just awful. In those moments it felt good, but now I don't understand why it helped. Crying just makes me able to feel bad about myself and my life.
I'm getting old and so are the people in my life. I have been meditating on this the past couple weeks. I say that I want to be older so I can drink legally but I guess I want everything to stay the same.
I'm getting tired again if that is at all possible after my 12 hours of sleep today, so I'm off to go finish watching my movie and go to sleep. Goodnight