I can't explain, you would not understand, This is not how I am, I have become Comfortably Numb......PF

Ugh....Its been a while..... Roommates ok now we're moving the end of the week! yay I will have my own room and bathroom! hooray!
I feel like crap. I don't want to even move. I don't care about school. I don't care about work. I'm at my height of procrastination in my life. I ignore everything except what I want to see. I don't know what I really feel. I wish I could just trade my life for someone who would want it. All I want to do is lay in bed. The blissful oblivion of sleep is where I want to hide.
I haven't slept at my apartment for a while. I have been staying over J.'s house. Sleeping with someone else is nice and awful at the same time. I' m so tired. I'm restless with another person. It takes a lot to fall asleep but once I'm there its nothing. I don't dream when I sleep with him. Its a little strange. All together I like him. We connect on many levels and its nice to have someone to talk to. Nothing to deep cause that's not how I am, but casual and intellectual conversations are fantastic.
I feel like there is a void in my life now. What I do will change/effect where I will end up. If I keep up with this school nonsense and don't do anything, where will I go? No where. I need change. I need something to knock me out of this funk I'm in. I'm just waiting for it. I don't know what it will be, but it will have to be something big.
I feel like moving to Texas for the year. Ultimate escape, but is that what I need? who knows....
For now I guess I'm going to write a paper....if I can even stay focused enough to do it.